Unconditional Gifts: The Key to Influence - Part 1

Dennis Collins: 00:00:10

Hello again, and welcome.

Dennis Collins: 00:00:13

Welcome back to Connect & Convert, the sales accelerator podcast, where we share

Dennis Collins: 00:00:19

insider secrets for small business owners to grow your sales faster than ever.

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Hi, I'm Dennis Collins, and I'm joined today by my lovely and talented partner.

Dennis Collins: 00:00:32

Hi, Leah.

Dennis Collins: 00:00:33

Say hi to everybody.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:00:34

Hey, Dennis.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:00:35

Hi, everyone.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:00:36

Hope everyone's having a great day.

Dennis Collins: 00:00:38

Absolutely.

Dennis Collins: 00:00:39

Good.

Dennis Collins: 00:00:39

Uh, good to be back with you.

Dennis Collins: 00:00:41

I love, uh, I love doing these with you.

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You always have a great perspective for our audience and that's what we like.

Dennis Collins: 00:00:49

Great perspectives.

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Okay.

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There are actually instances, Leah, you may not believe this, but there

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are times when a well intended gesture of giving a gift, I mean, how can

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that have any negative intentions?

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But there are times when the well intended giving of the gift backfires.

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Can you believe that?

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It backfires.

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Okay.

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I don't understand.

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I know I didn't either for the longest time until I took a deep dive into this

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to figure out what it was all about.

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Here it is just because something is promoted or advertised or offered

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as free doesn't mean it's a gift.

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Okay, so the topic for today is when is a gift not a gift?

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When is a gift not a gift?

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Part one.

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We have two parts to this one.

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So.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:01:44

There's a lot of info on this.

Dennis Collins: 00:01:47

Yeah.

Dennis Collins: 00:01:47

We'll leave you hanging.

Dennis Collins: 00:01:49

Okay.

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This all gets back to my love for and my study of the

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principles of influence with Dr.

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Robert Cialdini.

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One of my mentors, my guru on anything persuasion and influence.

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The law of reciprocity, we've all heard of it.

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Anybody who's in any kind of sales or marketing has heard of law reciprocity.

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It's probably the most often quoted, uh, probably the most

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used principle of influence.

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I would say of all of them, that's the one I hear about the most.

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And everybody knows this one.

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Gift giving creates an obligation for the gifts receiver to reciprocate.

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Have you ever, felt that, I mean, I'm still waiting for my

Dennis Collins: 00:02:37

gifts, Leah, but that's okay.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:02:38

I find it really interesting.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:02:43

My dad who was in sales most of his life.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:02:45

Oh, I remember him teaching me when we were doing volunteer work, that if you

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want someone to take something, you hand it to them like, just, just go through

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the actual physical motion of handing it.

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They can't help, but, but take it out of your hand.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:03:00

It's it's a certain type of person, and it's very rare when they don't.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:03:03

So that act of giving forces them to take it.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:03:06

It also makes them listen to what you have to say, because all of

Leah Bumphrey: 00:03:09

a sudden there's a connection.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:03:11

So I think that that that is the same principle.

Dennis Collins: 00:03:15

I'm glad you said that you said two things.

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Listen, listen, isn't that what those of us who make a living doing some

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type of sales, isn't that what we're supposed to be doing is listening.

Dennis Collins: 00:03:28

Okay.

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And when we give a true gift, as we'll talk about in a second, that

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promotes the fact, the idea that our customer is going to listen to us.

Dennis Collins: 00:03:41

Okay.

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So here it is providing a gift at the very beginning of a relationship or

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a business interaction that's touted as a great way to invoke reciprocity.

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I do for you, therefore you must do for me.

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So many of us in sales are so invested in this.

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You, you know, I'll scratch your back, you scratch mine.

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It's almost like a truism.

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So here's an example.

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Leah, have you ever had this happen?

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I know I have.

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You get an invitation for a nice vacation, or maybe it's a VIP dinner for two.

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All you have to do.

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is sit through a sales presentation for a timeshare.

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Ah, is there a gift involved here?

Dennis Collins: 00:04:30

What do you think, Leah?

Dennis Collins: 00:04:31

Is that a gift?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:04:34

It's, it's packaged as a gift, but it's not a gift.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:04:38

It's a quid pro quo.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:04:39

It's you do this, you get this.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:04:42

There's, there's action required.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:04:44

That's not a true gift.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:04:45

Of course not.

Dennis Collins: 00:04:46

There's action required.

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I, I had a guy the other day, uh, I had my alarm system, uh, revamped.

Dennis Collins: 00:04:54

Okay.

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And so the alarm guy came in and he quoted me some ridiculous price.

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I mean, it was crazy.

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And he said, but listen, I can get you this alarm system for 50 percent off.

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I said, really?

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That's what he said, you have to listen to a sales pitch by a solar,

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you know, the solar panel things.

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You got to listen to a sales for a sales pitch on solar.

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I said, dude, I have no interest in solar.

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Okay.

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It, my house can't have that because there's shade and I know I can't have it.

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He said, well, if you don't listen to the sales pitch, you

Dennis Collins: 00:05:32

can't get the 50 percent off.

Dennis Collins: 00:05:34

Wow.

Dennis Collins: 00:05:35

Was that a gift?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:05:38

Not even close.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:05:39

I hope you, I hope you, you said goodbye to him.

Dennis Collins: 00:05:41

Politely.

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Very politely So, you know, these companies that offer free trials

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for their product or service.

Dennis Collins: 00:05:52

You know, what irritates me maybe you've had the same experience Oh, yeah, we're

Dennis Collins: 00:05:57

gonna do a free trial but you got to leave a credit card on that site an actual

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credit card that is verified on that site or they don't give you the free trial

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You Hello, and you know, like most of us, we forget, well, I'll speak for myself.

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I forget that I did it.

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And all of a sudden I didn't cancel it within the three

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days or 10 days or whatever.

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And guess what?

Dennis Collins: 00:06:22

I've got another subscription that I didn't want.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:06:26

Yes.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:06:27

And are you happy with it?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:06:28

Will you ever do business with that company willingly or give them a referral?

Dennis Collins: 00:06:33

Heavens no.

Dennis Collins: 00:06:33

You canceled it as soon as you, I curse them every day.

Dennis Collins: 00:06:38

Okay.

Dennis Collins: 00:06:39

I mean, I, I fall into that trap.

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I know better.

Dennis Collins: 00:06:44

I don't do it much anymore, but I have a whole list of subscriptions.

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So I could show you my screen right now.

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I'll show you.

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I don't even want the hell most of them are.

Dennis Collins: 00:06:52

Okay.

Dennis Collins: 00:06:53

So, so just because something is free, does that mean it's a gift

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under the law of reciprocity?

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Obviously.

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No.

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Here's what Chaldini teaches us.

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The only type of gift that really works here is a gift with no

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expectations and no conditions.

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And you know, I, I'm sorry to say this, Leah, but most of us in the sales

Dennis Collins: 00:07:21

business always have conditions on a gift.

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I shouldn't say always, usually have conditions on a gift.

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That's not a gift.

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That doesn't work.

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So what if I said this to you?

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Hey, Leah, I came across some new information.

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Here's an idea that could really have an impact for your business.

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I've attached an article that gives you all the details.

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I hope this is helpful.

Dennis Collins: 00:07:49

What do you think?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:07:50

That's a gift.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:07:51

How would you, how would you receive that?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:07:53

Would that be?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:07:53

That's beautiful.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:07:54

You're giving me information.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:07:56

You are, you've identified something you think I would be interested in.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:07:59

There's no strings attached.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:08:01

You're not saying, you know what, once you read this, I'm going to do this.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:08:04

I'm really trying to get you to read this.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:08:06

If you do it, I'm going to give you a deal or you're going to get a bonus or nothing.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:08:12

It's, it's freely given and then freely received given.

Dennis Collins: 00:08:17

If the information is impactful, which I hope you wouldn't send

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something that wasn't, it's meaningful.

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It's personal.

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It's to that, that person, whoever he or she may be, and it's unexpected.

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They didn't ask for it.

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That is an example.

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of the role of reciprocity in sales.

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One of my clients is now looking into mailing a special package with

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a unique gift and some valuable information at the very beginning of

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their interaction with no conditions, no selling, just information that they

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need to succeed in a specific situation.

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I'm highly encouraging them to do it.

Dennis Collins: 00:09:02

Okay.

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So I've often heard, Leah, maybe you have, well, I gave you something of

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value and you didn't reciprocate.

Dennis Collins: 00:09:09

This so called law of reciprocity just doesn't work.

Dennis Collins: 00:09:13

What do you think?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:15

Well, I think you're looking for the wrong thing to come

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:18

back if that's your attitude about it.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:20

Because at a minimum, if, I mean, Dennis, you provided me with, with tons

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:25

of great information at a minimum, you telling you talking to me about your

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:29

mentor, has inspired me and also made you feel more solid in your belief system,

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:37

more solid in what you're able to do and more solid about our relationship.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:40

So you do always get something back.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:44

I mean, the adage is there's more happiness in giving than in receiving.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:47

It's there for a reason.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:49

It's not there because you're going to then get something back.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:09:53

So then you're looking at it wrong if that's how you think about it.

Dennis Collins: 00:09:56

There you go.

Dennis Collins: 00:09:57

We need what we call a frame reset, don't we?

Dennis Collins: 00:10:01

Our frame, sometimes in sales, is the wrong frame.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:05

Okay?

Dennis Collins: 00:10:06

Yes, we're in business to make sales.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:08

Yes, we're in business to make money.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:10

But a gift in the true sense of the, the law of reciprocity is a gift

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with no conditions, no expectations.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:18

That's hard for us.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:20

It's hard for me.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:22

You know, I, I find that difficult, but that is the purest form of reciprocity.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:28

Actually, the science is, is pretty unequivocal.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:31

It's not a gift if there are conditions or an expectation

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that you must respond in kind.

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The best gifts, gifts have no conditions.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:42

They're unexpected, they're meaningful, and they're personal.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:46

So in the next episode, please stay tuned.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:50

Next episode, part two.

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We'll discuss what qualifies as a gift.

Dennis Collins: 00:10:57

You will be surprised.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:02

Speaking of surprises, we can't let this segment, this episode end without

Dennis Collins: 00:11:08

talking about one of our favorite topics.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:11

The Wizard Academy.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:14

I know you and I will be going there soon to get some education, to get

Dennis Collins: 00:11:20

some learning from the Wizard himself.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:24

And I invite all of our viewers, all of our listeners, wizardacademy.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:30

org, wizardacademy.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:33

org.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:33

You will love the array of classes.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:38

You will love the instructors.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:41

You will love the way you feel when you leave the Wizard Academy.

Dennis Collins: 00:11:46

It's a feeling like no other.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:11:48

So I have a question for you, Dennis.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:11:50

Of course.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:11:51

On, on, on behalf of our listeners, Roy Williams sends out a Monday

Leah Bumphrey: 00:11:56

Morning Memo every Monday.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:11:57

He's done it for years and years and years.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:11:59

I know it's a new subscribe.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:12:00

I subscribe.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:12:01

Is that true?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:12:02

A gift?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:12:03

Is, is that a gift?

Dennis Collins: 00:12:05

That's a great question.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:06

That's a great question.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:08

Okay, let's, let's use the template that we just described.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:10

Okay.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:11

Is it unexpected?

Dennis Collins: 00:12:13

Is it meaningful?

Dennis Collins: 00:12:14

And is it personal?

Dennis Collins: 00:12:16

Okay.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:18

I would say at this point, it's probably not unexpected, right?

Dennis Collins: 00:12:22

Because he's been doing it for like 40 years, right?

Dennis Collins: 00:12:25

Right, right.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:25

I don't think he's, I don't think he's missed a Monday.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:28

So maybe it's not unexpected.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:31

Is it meaningful?

Dennis Collins: 00:12:33

Um, I, I think that depends on who the, the, the reader, uh, is.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:39

I know the last couple that he has done have been mind blowing to me.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:45

I mean, meaningful beyond description.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:49

Is it personal?

Dennis Collins: 00:12:50

It's not personal to me.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:52

No, he's not sending that to me.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:53

He's sending it to 40 or 50 or 60, 000 of his closest friends.

Dennis Collins: 00:12:57

So, so I don't know if that would be specifically a gift.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:02

It's.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:02

What I love about it.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:04

What I love about it is he has no expectation of ever hearing from

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:08

you or getting anything in return.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:11

I think though, Uh, under our three, our three, um, uh, categories of

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:16

what, what constitutes a gift.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:19

Maybe the Monday Morning Memo itself isn't the gift, but perhaps the

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:23

rabbit hole is because that's highly personal and it's highly divergent.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:28

And you know what?

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:29

We're not going to tell our listeners what that is because if you don't know

Leah Bumphrey: 00:13:33

what the rabbit hole is in the Monday Morning Memo, you got to find out.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:37

Better go find out.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:39

That's our gift to our listeners.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:41

Yeah, the Wizard of Ads, his name is Roy H.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:44

Williams.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:45

You can Google it and you will find the Monday Morning Memo comes right up.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:49

The archives are there.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:50

You can look at past editions.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:52

You can look at current editions.

Dennis Collins: 00:13:54

Uh, and yeah, next time, uh, you know, we'll, maybe we'll talk more about the

Dennis Collins: 00:13:59

rabbit hole at some point, but right now we want to leave it a mystery, right?

Dennis Collins: 00:14:03

Absolutely.

Dennis Collins: 00:14:04

Absolutely.

Dennis Collins: 00:14:05

You can't find it unless you go on.

Dennis Collins: 00:14:07

That's a great point.

Dennis Collins: 00:14:07

That could be the, that could be the unexpected part, right?

Dennis Collins: 00:14:10

That's right.

Dennis Collins: 00:14:11

You never know what you're going to get in the rabbit hole.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:15

Speaking of mysteries, Dennis, we, we get calls and we get

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:19

some emails from our listeners and our watchers and there was one that

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:22

really intrigued me, one question.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:24

And so I'm putting you on the spot a little bit because it was specific

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:27

for, for you for you and the depth of research that you do with a lot

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:32

of the topics that we get into.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:34

And this particular, um, uh, listener wanted to know when you are in a sales

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:39

position, how do you determine whether to go deep into the, uh, the analytics, into

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:45

the details, into the science is how he phrased it, or decide to go with a story.

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:51

Do you have something, is there something that clicks for you

Leah Bumphrey: 00:14:53

where you go, okay, this is how I'm going to move business forward?

Dennis Collins: 00:14:57

Yes, great question.

Dennis Collins: 00:14:58

Thank you for whoever sent that question.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:01

Uh, in previous episodes, we have talked about the way we communicate

Dennis Collins: 00:15:07

with each other, our decision making styles, our social style.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:11

Okay.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:12

And if you may recall, there are four, uh, separate social styles.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:17

And one of the teachings that we use when we do an engagement with

Dennis Collins: 00:15:22

a client is one of the first things we do is social style training.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:25

Why?

Dennis Collins: 00:15:26

So that everybody can find out what their preferred social style is.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:29

And most important for salespeople, what is the social style of the person

Dennis Collins: 00:15:34

you're talking to, your customer?

Dennis Collins: 00:15:35

Why is that important?

Dennis Collins: 00:15:37

Because the four styles Decide differently.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:41

So in your example, somebody who wants all the scientific data and all the,

Dennis Collins: 00:15:46

you know, the, the backup that would be called an analytical style person.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:50

They can't get enough data.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:53

Who wants the story, the expressive style person.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:56

If you start giving them the science.

Dennis Collins: 00:15:58

They black out their brain doesn't compute that, but they

Dennis Collins: 00:16:03

compute their world in stories.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:05

So we'll do another episode on that.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:08

I think that re that that that's a good question.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:10

And maybe, maybe we didn't make it as clear as we should.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:13

We'll do another episode.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:14

But before we leave, I want to give a challenge.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:17

We always end with a challenge.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:19

Don't wait.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:19

Okay.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:20

We do.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:21

Ask yourself a question.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:25

Are your offerings a real gift?

Dennis Collins: 00:16:29

Or are they loaded with conditions that are actually posing as

Dennis Collins: 00:16:35

a sales or marketing piece?

Dennis Collins: 00:16:37

Is your gift unexpected, meaningful, and personal?

Dennis Collins: 00:16:41

Look closely at your offers.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:43

Don't use offers that don't meet that criteria if you want to

Dennis Collins: 00:16:47

exercise the law of reciprocity.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:51

Okay, that's it for today.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:53

Be sure to tune in for part two of this episode.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:56

Uh, we'll be doing that.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:58

Stay tuned.

Dennis Collins: 00:16:58

We'll be doing it shortly.

Dennis Collins: 00:17:00

It'll be coming up soon.

Dennis Collins: 00:17:01

It's always a pleasure.

Dennis Collins: 00:17:02

Leah.

Dennis Collins: 00:17:03

Thank you.

Dennis Collins: 00:17:04

Thank you.

Dennis Collins: 00:17:05

And good to see you.

Dennis Collins: 00:17:07

And I wish our listeners and our viewers a great day.

Dennis Collins: 00:17:11

That's this episode of Connect & Convert the sales accelerator podcast.

Dennis Collins: 00:17:16

See you soon.