Episode 38

Unconditional Gifts: The Key to Influence - Part 1

When is a gift not a gift? This episode explores the intricacies of the law of reciprocity and how it applies to sales and marketing. Learn the key elements that differentiate a true gift from a conditional offer and how to effectively use genuine gifts to build relationships and influence others. Discover the power of unexpected, meaningful, and personal gestures in your sales strategy.

Transcript
Dennis Collins:

Hello again, and welcome.

Dennis Collins:

Welcome back to Connect & Convert, the sales accelerator podcast, where we share

Dennis Collins:

insider secrets for small business owners to grow your sales faster than ever.

Dennis Collins:

Hi, I'm Dennis Collins, and I'm joined today by my lovely and talented partner.

Dennis Collins:

Hi, Leah.

Dennis Collins:

Say hi to everybody.

Leah Bumphrey:

Hey, Dennis.

Leah Bumphrey:

Hi, everyone.

Leah Bumphrey:

Hope everyone's having a great day.

Dennis Collins:

Absolutely.

Dennis Collins:

Good.

Dennis Collins:

Uh, good to be back with you.

Dennis Collins:

I love, uh, I love doing these with you.

Dennis Collins:

You always have a great perspective for our audience and that's what we like.

Dennis Collins:

Great perspectives.

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Okay.

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There are actually instances, Leah, you may not believe this, but there

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are times when a well intended gesture of giving a gift, I mean, how can

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that have any negative intentions?

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But there are times when the well intended giving of the gift backfires.

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Can you believe that?

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It backfires.

Dennis Collins:

Okay.

Dennis Collins:

I don't understand.

Dennis Collins:

I know I didn't either for the longest time until I took a deep dive into this

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to figure out what it was all about.

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Here it is just because something is promoted or advertised or offered

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as free doesn't mean it's a gift.

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Okay, so the topic for today is when is a gift not a gift?

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When is a gift not a gift?

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Part one.

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We have two parts to this one.

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So.

Leah Bumphrey:

There's a lot of info on this.

Dennis Collins:

Yeah.

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We'll leave you hanging.

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Okay.

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This all gets back to my love for and my study of the

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principles of influence with Dr.

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Robert Cialdini.

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One of my mentors, my guru on anything persuasion and influence.

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The law of reciprocity, we've all heard of it.

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Anybody who's in any kind of sales or marketing has heard of law reciprocity.

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It's probably the most often quoted, uh, probably the most

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used principle of influence.

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I would say of all of them, that's the one I hear about the most.

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And everybody knows this one.

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Gift giving creates an obligation for the gifts receiver to reciprocate.

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Have you ever, felt that, I mean, I'm still waiting for my

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gifts, Leah, but that's okay.

Leah Bumphrey:

I find it really interesting.

Leah Bumphrey:

My dad who was in sales most of his life.

Leah Bumphrey:

Oh, I remember him teaching me when we were doing volunteer work, that if you

Leah Bumphrey:

want someone to take something, you hand it to them like, just, just go through

Leah Bumphrey:

the actual physical motion of handing it.

Leah Bumphrey:

They can't help, but, but take it out of your hand.

Leah Bumphrey:

It's it's a certain type of person, and it's very rare when they don't.

Leah Bumphrey:

So that act of giving forces them to take it.

Leah Bumphrey:

It also makes them listen to what you have to say, because all of

Leah Bumphrey:

a sudden there's a connection.

Leah Bumphrey:

So I think that that that is the same principle.

Dennis Collins:

I'm glad you said that you said two things.

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Listen, listen, isn't that what those of us who make a living doing some

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type of sales, isn't that what we're supposed to be doing is listening.

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Okay.

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And when we give a true gift, as we'll talk about in a second, that

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promotes the fact, the idea that our customer is going to listen to us.

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Okay.

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So here it is providing a gift at the very beginning of a relationship or

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a business interaction that's touted as a great way to invoke reciprocity.

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I do for you, therefore you must do for me.

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So many of us in sales are so invested in this.

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You, you know, I'll scratch your back, you scratch mine.

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It's almost like a truism.

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So here's an example.

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Leah, have you ever had this happen?

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I know I have.

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You get an invitation for a nice vacation, or maybe it's a VIP dinner for two.

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All you have to do.

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is sit through a sales presentation for a timeshare.

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Ah, is there a gift involved here?

Dennis Collins:

What do you think, Leah?

Dennis Collins:

Is that a gift?

Leah Bumphrey:

It's, it's packaged as a gift, but it's not a gift.

Leah Bumphrey:

It's a quid pro quo.

Leah Bumphrey:

It's you do this, you get this.

Leah Bumphrey:

There's, there's action required.

Leah Bumphrey:

That's not a true gift.

Leah Bumphrey:

Of course not.

Dennis Collins:

There's action required.

Dennis Collins:

I, I had a guy the other day, uh, I had my alarm system, uh, revamped.

Dennis Collins:

Okay.

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And so the alarm guy came in and he quoted me some ridiculous price.

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I mean, it was crazy.

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And he said, but listen, I can get you this alarm system for 50 percent off.

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I said, really?

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That's what he said, you have to listen to a sales pitch by a solar,

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you know, the solar panel things.

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You got to listen to a sales for a sales pitch on solar.

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I said, dude, I have no interest in solar.

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Okay.

Dennis Collins:

It, my house can't have that because there's shade and I know I can't have it.

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He said, well, if you don't listen to the sales pitch, you

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can't get the 50 percent off.

Dennis Collins:

Wow.

Dennis Collins:

Was that a gift?

Leah Bumphrey:

Not even close.

Leah Bumphrey:

I hope you, I hope you, you said goodbye to him.

Dennis Collins:

Politely.

Dennis Collins:

Very politely So, you know, these companies that offer free trials

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for their product or service.

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You know, what irritates me maybe you've had the same experience Oh, yeah, we're

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gonna do a free trial but you got to leave a credit card on that site an actual

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credit card that is verified on that site or they don't give you the free trial

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You Hello, and you know, like most of us, we forget, well, I'll speak for myself.

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I forget that I did it.

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And all of a sudden I didn't cancel it within the three

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days or 10 days or whatever.

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And guess what?

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I've got another subscription that I didn't want.

Leah Bumphrey:

Yes.

Leah Bumphrey:

And are you happy with it?

Leah Bumphrey:

Will you ever do business with that company willingly or give them a referral?

Dennis Collins:

Heavens no.

Dennis Collins:

You canceled it as soon as you, I curse them every day.

Dennis Collins:

Okay.

Dennis Collins:

I mean, I, I fall into that trap.

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I know better.

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I don't do it much anymore, but I have a whole list of subscriptions.

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So I could show you my screen right now.

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I'll show you.

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I don't even want the hell most of them are.

Dennis Collins:

Okay.

Dennis Collins:

So, so just because something is free, does that mean it's a gift

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under the law of reciprocity?

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Obviously.

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No.

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Here's what Chaldini teaches us.

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The only type of gift that really works here is a gift with no

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expectations and no conditions.

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And you know, I, I'm sorry to say this, Leah, but most of us in the sales

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business always have conditions on a gift.

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I shouldn't say always, usually have conditions on a gift.

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That's not a gift.

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That doesn't work.

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So what if I said this to you?

Dennis Collins:

Hey, Leah, I came across some new information.

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Here's an idea that could really have an impact for your business.

Dennis Collins:

I've attached an article that gives you all the details.

Dennis Collins:

I hope this is helpful.

Dennis Collins:

What do you think?

Leah Bumphrey:

That's a gift.

Leah Bumphrey:

How would you, how would you receive that?

Leah Bumphrey:

Would that be?

Leah Bumphrey:

That's beautiful.

Leah Bumphrey:

You're giving me information.

Leah Bumphrey:

You are, you've identified something you think I would be interested in.

Leah Bumphrey:

There's no strings attached.

Leah Bumphrey:

You're not saying, you know what, once you read this, I'm going to do this.

Leah Bumphrey:

I'm really trying to get you to read this.

Leah Bumphrey:

If you do it, I'm going to give you a deal or you're going to get a bonus or nothing.

Leah Bumphrey:

It's, it's freely given and then freely received given.

Dennis Collins:

If the information is impactful, which I hope you wouldn't send

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something that wasn't, it's meaningful.

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It's personal.

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It's to that, that person, whoever he or she may be, and it's unexpected.

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They didn't ask for it.

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That is an example.

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of the role of reciprocity in sales.

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One of my clients is now looking into mailing a special package with

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a unique gift and some valuable information at the very beginning of

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their interaction with no conditions, no selling, just information that they

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need to succeed in a specific situation.

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I'm highly encouraging them to do it.

Dennis Collins:

Okay.

Dennis Collins:

So I've often heard, Leah, maybe you have, well, I gave you something of

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value and you didn't reciprocate.

Dennis Collins:

This so called law of reciprocity just doesn't work.

Dennis Collins:

What do you think?

Leah Bumphrey:

Well, I think you're looking for the wrong thing to come

Leah Bumphrey:

back if that's your attitude about it.

Leah Bumphrey:

Because at a minimum, if, I mean, Dennis, you provided me with, with tons

Leah Bumphrey:

of great information at a minimum, you telling you talking to me about your

Leah Bumphrey:

mentor, has inspired me and also made you feel more solid in your belief system,

Leah Bumphrey:

more solid in what you're able to do and more solid about our relationship.

Leah Bumphrey:

So you do always get something back.

Leah Bumphrey:

I mean, the adage is there's more happiness in giving than in receiving.

Leah Bumphrey:

It's there for a reason.

Leah Bumphrey:

It's not there because you're going to then get something back.

Leah Bumphrey:

So then you're looking at it wrong if that's how you think about it.

Dennis Collins:

There you go.

Dennis Collins:

We need what we call a frame reset, don't we?

Dennis Collins:

Our frame, sometimes in sales, is the wrong frame.

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Okay?

Dennis Collins:

Yes, we're in business to make sales.

Dennis Collins:

Yes, we're in business to make money.

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But a gift in the true sense of the, the law of reciprocity is a gift

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with no conditions, no expectations.

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That's hard for us.

Dennis Collins:

It's hard for me.

Dennis Collins:

You know, I, I find that difficult, but that is the purest form of reciprocity.

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Actually, the science is, is pretty unequivocal.

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It's not a gift if there are conditions or an expectation

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that you must respond in kind.

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The best gifts, gifts have no conditions.

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They're unexpected, they're meaningful, and they're personal.

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So in the next episode, please stay tuned.

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Next episode, part two.

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We'll discuss what qualifies as a gift.

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You will be surprised.

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Speaking of surprises, we can't let this segment, this episode end without

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talking about one of our favorite topics.

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The Wizard Academy.

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I know you and I will be going there soon to get some education, to get

Dennis Collins:

some learning from the Wizard himself.

Dennis Collins:

And I invite all of our viewers, all of our listeners, wizardacademy.

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org, wizardacademy.

Dennis Collins:

org.

Dennis Collins:

You will love the array of classes.

Dennis Collins:

You will love the instructors.

Dennis Collins:

You will love the way you feel when you leave the Wizard Academy.

Dennis Collins:

It's a feeling like no other.

Leah Bumphrey:

So I have a question for you, Dennis.

Leah Bumphrey:

Of course.

Leah Bumphrey:

On, on, on behalf of our listeners, Roy Williams sends out a Monday

Leah Bumphrey:

Morning Memo every Monday.

Leah Bumphrey:

He's done it for years and years and years.

Leah Bumphrey:

I know it's a new subscribe.

Leah Bumphrey:

I subscribe.

Leah Bumphrey:

Is that true?

Leah Bumphrey:

A gift?

Leah Bumphrey:

Is, is that a gift?

Dennis Collins:

That's a great question.

Dennis Collins:

That's a great question.

Dennis Collins:

Okay, let's, let's use the template that we just described.

Dennis Collins:

Okay.

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Is it unexpected?

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Is it meaningful?

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And is it personal?

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Okay.

Dennis Collins:

I would say at this point, it's probably not unexpected, right?

Dennis Collins:

Because he's been doing it for like 40 years, right?

Dennis Collins:

Right, right.

Dennis Collins:

I don't think he's, I don't think he's missed a Monday.

Dennis Collins:

So maybe it's not unexpected.

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Is it meaningful?

Dennis Collins:

Um, I, I think that depends on who the, the, the reader, uh, is.

Dennis Collins:

I know the last couple that he has done have been mind blowing to me.

Dennis Collins:

I mean, meaningful beyond description.

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Is it personal?

Dennis Collins:

It's not personal to me.

Dennis Collins:

No, he's not sending that to me.

Dennis Collins:

He's sending it to 40 or 50 or 60, 000 of his closest friends.

Dennis Collins:

So, so I don't know if that would be specifically a gift.

Dennis Collins:

It's.

Leah Bumphrey:

What I love about it.

Leah Bumphrey:

What I love about it is he has no expectation of ever hearing from

Leah Bumphrey:

you or getting anything in return.

Leah Bumphrey:

I think though, Uh, under our three, our three, um, uh, categories of

Leah Bumphrey:

what, what constitutes a gift.

Leah Bumphrey:

Maybe the Monday Morning Memo itself isn't the gift, but perhaps the

Leah Bumphrey:

rabbit hole is because that's highly personal and it's highly divergent.

Leah Bumphrey:

And you know what?

Leah Bumphrey:

We're not going to tell our listeners what that is because if you don't know

Leah Bumphrey:

what the rabbit hole is in the Monday Morning Memo, you got to find out.

Dennis Collins:

Better go find out.

Dennis Collins:

That's our gift to our listeners.

Dennis Collins:

Yeah, the Wizard of Ads, his name is Roy H.

Dennis Collins:

Williams.

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You can Google it and you will find the Monday Morning Memo comes right up.

Dennis Collins:

The archives are there.

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You can look at past editions.

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You can look at current editions.

Dennis Collins:

Uh, and yeah, next time, uh, you know, we'll, maybe we'll talk more about the

Dennis Collins:

rabbit hole at some point, but right now we want to leave it a mystery, right?

Dennis Collins:

Absolutely.

Dennis Collins:

Absolutely.

Dennis Collins:

You can't find it unless you go on.

Dennis Collins:

That's a great point.

Dennis Collins:

That could be the, that could be the unexpected part, right?

Dennis Collins:

That's right.

Dennis Collins:

You never know what you're going to get in the rabbit hole.

Leah Bumphrey:

Speaking of mysteries, Dennis, we, we get calls and we get

Leah Bumphrey:

some emails from our listeners and our watchers and there was one that

Leah Bumphrey:

really intrigued me, one question.

Leah Bumphrey:

And so I'm putting you on the spot a little bit because it was specific

Leah Bumphrey:

for, for you for you and the depth of research that you do with a lot

Leah Bumphrey:

of the topics that we get into.

Leah Bumphrey:

And this particular, um, uh, listener wanted to know when you are in a sales

Leah Bumphrey:

position, how do you determine whether to go deep into the, uh, the analytics, into

Leah Bumphrey:

the details, into the science is how he phrased it, or decide to go with a story.

Leah Bumphrey:

Do you have something, is there something that clicks for you

Leah Bumphrey:

where you go, okay, this is how I'm going to move business forward?

Dennis Collins:

Yes, great question.

Dennis Collins:

Thank you for whoever sent that question.

Dennis Collins:

Uh, in previous episodes, we have talked about the way we communicate

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with each other, our decision making styles, our social style.

Dennis Collins:

Okay.

Dennis Collins:

And if you may recall, there are four, uh, separate social styles.

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And one of the teachings that we use when we do an engagement with

Dennis Collins:

a client is one of the first things we do is social style training.

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Why?

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So that everybody can find out what their preferred social style is.

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And most important for salespeople, what is the social style of the person

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you're talking to, your customer?

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Why is that important?

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Because the four styles Decide differently.

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So in your example, somebody who wants all the scientific data and all the,

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you know, the, the backup that would be called an analytical style person.

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They can't get enough data.

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Who wants the story, the expressive style person.

Dennis Collins:

If you start giving them the science.

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They black out their brain doesn't compute that, but they

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compute their world in stories.

Dennis Collins:

So we'll do another episode on that.

Dennis Collins:

I think that re that that that's a good question.

Dennis Collins:

And maybe, maybe we didn't make it as clear as we should.

Dennis Collins:

We'll do another episode.

Dennis Collins:

But before we leave, I want to give a challenge.

Dennis Collins:

We always end with a challenge.

Dennis Collins:

Don't wait.

Dennis Collins:

Okay.

Dennis Collins:

We do.

Dennis Collins:

Ask yourself a question.

Dennis Collins:

Are your offerings a real gift?

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Or are they loaded with conditions that are actually posing as

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a sales or marketing piece?

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Is your gift unexpected, meaningful, and personal?

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Look closely at your offers.

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Don't use offers that don't meet that criteria if you want to

Dennis Collins:

exercise the law of reciprocity.

Dennis Collins:

Okay, that's it for today.

Dennis Collins:

Be sure to tune in for part two of this episode.

Dennis Collins:

Uh, we'll be doing that.

Dennis Collins:

Stay tuned.

Dennis Collins:

We'll be doing it shortly.

Dennis Collins:

It'll be coming up soon.

Dennis Collins:

It's always a pleasure.

Dennis Collins:

Leah.

Dennis Collins:

Thank you.

Dennis Collins:

Thank you.

Dennis Collins:

And good to see you.

Dennis Collins:

And I wish our listeners and our viewers a great day.

Dennis Collins:

That's this episode of Connect & Convert the sales accelerator podcast.

Dennis Collins:

See you soon.

About the Podcast

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Insider Strategies for Small Business Sales Success

About your hosts

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Dennis Collins

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Paul Boomer

I help businesses grow up after they've grown their revenue. Think about that for a moment. You'll understand what I mean.